


The Bentley Knows

by FlashBastard



Category: Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Love songs, M/M, Music
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-24
Updated: 2019-10-24
Packaged: 2021-01-02 05:48:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,920
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21156623
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FlashBastard/pseuds/FlashBastard
Summary: The car tries to play match maker





	The Bentley Knows

The Bentley had a mind of its own. Now, this isn't a case like saying your hair has a mind of its own because it won't stay in a particular hairstyle. If the Bentley were to be given an actual name, Christine would be extremely appropriate. The car wasn't actually haunted, though, and it certainly didn't go on a murderous rampage, though I think Crowley would love the car even more if it did. The Bentley did, however, occasionally do things that Crowley didn't realize weren't his doing.

This happened over the course of nearly a century of the car being bombarded with demonic miracle after demonic miracle to keep it in brand new condition and to keep it from needing any petrol or minor maintenance. Maintenance which the car's owner found quite tedious, irritating, and time consuming so of course that had to go. But miracle after miracle, the car began to slowly develop a sort of sentience.

The first occasion that anyone who was paying attention would have noticed was one in which Crowley was driving through the country very late at night. While demons don't actually need to sleep, Crowley had done it often enough that his body would occasionally decide to shut down for a few moments, almost like a human falling asleep from exhaustion. When on a back country road with no lighting on a moonless night in the middle of nowhere this is a very dangerous thing to happen. One would expect that said demon would end up in a ditch on the side of the road in very short order but that did not happen in this particular instance. The car realized what was going on when it started to swerve a bit more than was normal for the driver and decided to correct it. When Crowley woke up shortly after, it never occurred to him that the car had actually been driving itself for about a tenth of a mile.

The Bentley had no particular taste in music so the radio played whatever station it could pick up when radios in cars were invented. Of course Crowley had one installed. Or miracled one up, if one were honest about it. And the Bentley just happily went along with whatever music came across the airwaves. And then, 1973 happened. The Bentley was particularly fond of the lead singer of Queen, especially given the amount of time that he'd spent in the car. Though some of the activities that had taken place would have made the car blush if it had the ability to do so. Either way, the car really did love Freddie Mercury and so from that moment on, any music that came into the car would turn into Queen. It was the only music that the Bentley would allow to play from its radio, then eight track, then tape deck, then CD player. The form of media didn't matter, it would forever be Queen. The Bentley's particularly favorite song was, understandably, I'm In Love With My Car.

While cars do not have an actual concept of emotion, the Bentley seemed to understand when its driver's mood had changed. He would drive a bit differently when the angel was in the car. Though he never really drove safely, he didn't drive quite as insanely when the angel was with him. The Bentley liked the angel for the most part. It could tell when its owner was in a bad mood and that bad mood was usually caused by the angel being particularly nasty for some reason or another. On one such occasion, the Bentley's passenger door simply would not unlock when the angel tried to get in. No matter how many times Crowley unlocked it, it would immediately lock back again before the angel could open the door.

The Bentley started to realize, though, that the reason that Crowley would get upset when there was an argument was because he really did love the angel. More than he loved the Bentley, which was saying quite a lot. They both seemed completely unable to acknowledge their feelings, though. The angel being the most in denial of the two. At first, the Bentley wasn't really sure what to do about it. How does a car communicate with its occupants? And then the radio was installed in the car. While the car radio was invented in 1930, Crowley didn't install one until 1935. And then the Bentley had a chance.

The first time that the angel got into the car after that was in 1941. There wasn't much in the way of radio broadcasts because of the war, but that didn't stop the car. They were driving along with the radio playing and not talking. The angel was holding a bag of books and Crowley was paying attention to the road.

"You made me love you

I didn't wanna do it  
I didn't wanna do it  
You made me want you  
And all the time you knew it  
I guess you always knew it

You made me happy sometimes  
You made me glad  
But there were times  
You made me feel so bad

You made me cry for  
I didn't wanna tell you  
I didn't wanna tell you  
I want some love that's true  
Yes, I do, 'deed I do  
You know I do

Gimmie, gimmie, gimmie, gimmie what I cry for  
You know you've got the brand of kisses  
That I'd die for  
You know you made me love you

You made me cry for  
I didn't wanna tell you  
I didn't wanna tell you  
I want some love that's true  
Yes, I do, 'deed I do

You know I do

Gimmie, gimmie, gimmie, gimmie what I cry for  
You know you've got the brand of kisses  
That I'd die for

You know you made me love you" *

Crowley's eyes went a little wide behind his sunglasses when the song started playing. He didn't look at the angel. He didn't want to see what could be on the angel's face. Of course the Bentley thought for sure that this would be all that was needed. The angel would surely get the message of the song, wouldn't he? Of course he would. And then, nothing happened. The angel got out of the car without so much as a word other than goodbye and Crowley drove off and nothing else happened. The Bentley refused to start for a full week after that. 

There was quite a gap before the next time the angel was in the car. They didn't talk for a few years. Crowley seemed to be irritated most of the time that he didn't see the angel and the Bentley noticed. His driving was considerably different and the Bentley actually had to take control more often during the gaps in communication. And then the angel was in the car again. And even though he was trying to be calm, Crowley was excited. The Bentley could tell. He was almost happy. It was nice. And the angel was there and the radio was on and the Bentley had its chance again. 

"I know I stand in line, until you think you have the time  
To spend an evening with me  
And if we go someplace to dance, I know that there's a chance  
You won't be leaving with me

And afterwards we drop into a quiet little place  
And have a drink or two  
And then I go and spoil it all  
By saying something stupid like "I love you"

I can see it in your eyes, that you despise the same old lies  
You heard the night before  
And though it's just a line to you  
For me it's true, it never seemed so right before

I practice every day to find some clever lines to say  
To make the meaning come through  
But then I think I'll wait until the evening gets late  
And I'm alone with you  
The time is right your perfume fills my head  
The stars get red and oh, the night's so blue  
And then I go and spoil it all  
By saying something stupid like "I love you"

The time is right your perfume fills my head  
The stars get red and oh, the night's so blue  
And then I go and spoil it all  
By saying something stupid like "I love you"  
I love you  
I love you 

I love you" **

Neither of them really seemed to be paying attention to what was playing. They were having a pretty serious conversation and the angel said something and suddenly, Crowley wasn't happy anymore. He was sad, and disappointed. The angel just refused to admit his feelings. And the Bentley realized that the problem wasn't Crowley. He was in love, it was obvious to even a car. There was no doubting it. The angel, on the other hand, just ignored the way he was feeling. But that wouldn't stop the Bentley from trying. It didn't like it when Crowley wasn't happy. 

And then Crowley met Freddie Mercury and hung out with Queen and spent time with them and the Bentley really did love their music. And there were so many love songs. It was like the band was trying to help the car get the angel and the demon together. It was great. So many wonderful songs that were played over and over and over again. Every single time the angel was in the car there was another love song to play. 

And then there was a few months that things were bad. Crowley was very sad. The Bentley picked up on it immediately. It let Crowley have a bit of a break from the music for a couple of months, which wasn't hard since Crowley didn't drive many places during that time. He mainly just stayed in his flat and only drove when it was absolutely necessary. When the Bentley did play music, it was some of the slower songs. There was a random night in December of 1991 that Crowley just pulled over to the side of the road and sobbed for a full hour. When the car started up again, the radio was silent and Crowley didn't seem to mind at all.

The Bentley quite often played Bohemian Rhapsody whenever Crowley had to go about his demonic business. The car didn't like the other demons. One of the times that Crowley had another demon in the car, the Bentley played Death On Two Legs. Had it been able to play something worse, it really would have. The other demons made Crowley feel bad and often anxious and sometimes scared and the car didn't like that at all. 

The night that there was a baby in the car, the Bentley was so confused it just let the music pick itself. And then Crowley nearly got into a head on accident with a lorry and the Bentley just barely managed to help him escape the horrible crash. And then the baby was no longer in the car and Crowley was going to talk to the angel again. And the angel was in the car and then the Bentley had another chance. You're My Best Friend was a particular favorite when the angel was in the car. Or Somebody to Love. 

And things just seemed to get worse and worse over a short amount of time. There was a very short amount of time when the angel was in the car quite a lot. And it only increased over time and then there was a week where the angel was in the car more in that week than in the several decades before combined. They went out to that church in the country again, and then they were back in the city. And then things got bad very fast. And then there was the fire. The Bentley had faith in Crowley. It believed that it would come out of it okay. Crowley had never let anything bad happen to the car in almost a century. Why would he start now? And then there was nothing. The car was no more. And then suddenly, everything was good again. The car was sitting on the street where it belonged and it was so happy to be able to have a drive with its owner. But Crowley took a taxi rather than get in the car. 

"You've been restored. There's nothing wrong with you. Why won't you start?" Crowley asked as he sat in the car a few days later. The Bentley decided that taking a taxi was an ultimate offense and refused to start for an entire week. That was how the car threw a fit. And it wasn't aware that the angel and the demon had switched places. But the car did start eventually and the angel was in the car again. They were driving along in silence and for the first time in forty years, the Bentley played a song that wasn't Queen. 

"Oh, I can't fight this feeling any longer  
And yet I'm still afraid to let it flow  
What started out this friendship has grown stronger  
I only wish I had the strength to let it show

I tell myself that I can't hold out forever  
I said there is no reason for my fear  
'Cause I feel so secure when we're together  
You give my life direction  
You make everything so clear

And even as I wander  
I'm keeping you in sight  
You're a candle in the window  
On a cold, dark winter's night  
And I'm getting closer than I ever thought I might

And I can't fight this feeling anymore  
I've forgotten what I started fighting for  
It's time to bring this ship into the shore  
And throw away the oars, forever

'Cause I can't fight this feeling anymore  
I've forgotten what I started fighting for  
And if I have to crawl upon the floor  
Come crushing through your door  
Baby, I can't fight this feeling anymore

My life has been such a whirlwind since I saw you  
I've been running around in circles in my mind  
And it always seems that I'm following you, girl  
'Cause you take me to the places  
That alone I'd never find

And even as I wander  
I'm keeping you in sight  
You're a candle in the window  
On a cold, dark winter's night  
And I'm getting closer than I ever thought I might

And I can't fight this feeling anymore  
I've forgotten what I started fighting for  
It's time to bring this ship into the shore  
And throw away the oars, forever

'Cause I can't fight this feeling anymore  
I've forgotten what I started fighting for  
And if I have to crawl upon the floor  
Come crashing through your door  
Baby, I can't fight this feeling anymore" ***

Crowley swallowed. He tried to keep his eyes on the road. The angel did the same. Just kept his eyes straight ahead. It had been silent in the car before the song started and there was no doubting that the two of them had heard it. Would it have its intended purpose? Would it do what the Bentley wanted it to do? It seemed like nothing was going to happen. Like the Bentley was going to end up moping again. And then they pulled up to the bookshop and they were inside for quite a long time. 

The Bentley just sat in the street with no knowledge of what could possibly be going on. And then Crowley was smiling brightly when he got in his car. He was actually whistling as he started the car. Before pulling out into traffic, he stopped to check his reflection in the mirror, noticing the rather large hickey sticking up above the collar of his jacket. He laughed and shook his head, then pulled onto the street. As they drove along, the Bentley went back to playing Queen. 

"This thing called love, I just can't handle it  
This thing called love, I must get round to it  
I ain't ready  
Crazy little thing called love

This thing (this thing)  
Called love (called love)  
It cries (like a baby)  
In a cradle all night  
It swings (woo woo)  
It jives (woo woo)  
It shakes all over like a jelly fish  
I kinda like it  
Crazy little thing called love

There goes my baby  
She knows how to rock 'n' roll  
She drives me crazy  
She gives me hot and cold fever  
Then she leaves me in a cool cool sweat

I gotta be cool, relax, get hip  
And get on my track's  
Take a back seat, hitch-hike  
And take a long ride on my motorbike  
Until I'm ready  
Crazy little thing called love

I gotta be cool, relax, get hip  
And get on my track's  
Take a back seat (ah hum), hitch-hike (ah hum)  
And take a long ride on my motorbike  
Until I'm ready (ready Freddie)  
Crazy little thing called love

This thing called love, I just can't handle it  
This thing called love, I must get round to it  
I ain't ready  
Ooh ooh ooh ooh

Crazy little thing called love  
Crazy little thing called love, yeah, yeah  
Crazy little thing called love, yeah, yeah  
Crazy little thing called love, yeah, yeah  
Crazy little thing called love, yeah, yeah  
Crazy little thing called love, yeah, yeah  
Crazy little thing called love, yeah, yeah  
Crazy little thing called love, yeah, yeah  
Crazy little thing called love, yeah, yeah  
Crazy little thing called love, yeah, yeah"****

**Author's Note:**

> * You Made Me Love You by Harry James  
** Something Stupid by Frank and Nancy Sinatra  
*** Can't Fight This Feeling by REO Speedwagon  
**** Crazy Little Thing Called Love by Queen


End file.
